Kids Say the Scariest Things...

Scary movies aren't really my thing.


I'd like to think it's because I'm terribly empathetic and compassionate, but I've never been able to watch a horror movie without it completely screwing with my mind. Ok, if we are honest, I also have an overwhelmingly active imagination, which doesn't help either.


I remember being a small child, and my parents allowing me to watch movies like Gremlins and Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Have you seen them? I don't care if they are labeled "Comedy Horror."  To a 5 year old, they are sheer terror.  Do you know how many nights I laid awake, wondering if there were gremlins wreaking havoc in my closet? Or that I might wake up to a Killer Klown just staring at me, all creepy and and ready to attack, from the corner of my room?


I admit, I am the only one to blame for picking books such as  Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark and More Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz out at the library.  People, those stories are creepy. The titles do not lie.  Some of those stories still haunt me to this day.


See? I'm a total lame-o.


But this is why I avoid scary movies like the plague.  When The Ring came out in theaters, I went with two of my guy friends to watch it.  Well, that's not entirely true. I believe I had been under the impression we were seeing a different movie, and they did the ol' switcharoo on me once we arrived at the theatre. Since they drove me, I was kind of stuck with no choice but to watch. I figured I was there with 2 strong men, so how scared would I really get?


Apparently, paralyzingly so.


Within the first 5 minutes, I was near tears and watching through my fingers as I held my hands to my face.  After the movies, the guys dropped me back at home (I was living with my mom at the time). I could not convince myself that the long-haired freak girl would not climb out of the TV. So what did I do? I did what any sane and rational person would do: 


I climbed into bed with my Mom.


Did I mention I was 22 at the time?


Total. Lame-o.


So then enter Parenthood. I have been blessed with 2 daughters.  


Two sweet, angelic little girls. 


Have you noticed how the theme in movies recently is to take sweet angelic children and make them horrifyingly supernatural? They become possessed, psycho-killers who commune with dead people.


Kids will be kids.  So, sometimes? My kids say weird crap.  In the past year, Chica began talking about Yugi.  Yugi is her imaginary friend. Who is a dragon. Who sometimes frightens her in the middle of the night.


I know all kids have imaginary friends. But I can't help the fact that when my daughter starts talking to an invisible entity that is lurking somewhere in the room (who may or may not be a fire-breathing dragon), the hair stands up on my neck.


Some nights we can hear Chica calling down to us from the monitor after we've tucked her into bed. A few weeks ago, I hear Chica calling out, so I go up to check on her. This is the conversation that follows:


"Mommy!"


"Yes?"


"Who was that?"


"Who was who, sweetie?"


"Who just walked by my door?"


(I confirm the fact in my head that, yes,  Hubby and I had been watching TV downstairs during the time in question)


"No one. Go to sleep."


(I edged my way down the stairs with my back against the wall just. in. case.)

~

Or the middle of the night wake up where I walk into Chica's room, and she is sitting up, wide-eyed, pointing at her wall.


"What's up, love?"


"There are scary things on my wall."


(I slowly turn around to look at the wall she is pointing to. Nothing is there).


"Sweetie, there is nothing on your wall."


"YES there is. RIGHT. THERE." She asserts as she repoints to the same wall.


"It's nothing. Go back to sleep."


(I edge my way up the stairs to my bedroom just. in. case).

~

Then the other morning I go into to get Chica out of bed.  I cheerily welcome her Good Morning! She is sitting in the corner of her bed warily eyeing her window.


"The curtains are looking at me."


(I stop dead in my tracks, frozen smile on my face, and move only my eyes in the direction of said curtains).


"Lovebug, nothing is there. What do you mean?"


"My curtains. They look at me when I'm sleeping."


(Bravely going over to the window in question, I reach up to shake the curtains to show her [and me]  there is nothing to be frightened of).


"See?  Silly girl, curtains don't have eyes!  How can they look at you."


"They look at me, mommy."


"It's nothing. Let's go eat breakfast."


(I grab a hardcover book to defend us just. in. case)

~

See? Sometimes the things my kids say seem like the perfectly-written plot twist in an upcoming horror film. I know, I know. I'm letting my imagination get the best of me. Kids have growing imaginations that they need to exercise. And I need to get a hold of myself and grow up.

But the day a creepy possessed girl climbs out of my TV, I'm coming to sleep in your bed for the night.

Do your kids ever say things that creep you out?  If so, share it below!  Also? We should get together, write a scary movie script, and make a bajillion dollars.