I Promise I'm Not Crazy {although that's what the crazies always say...}

So, I have this thing about bugs.


Those of you who know me are already shaking your heads and restraining your hands from throttling my neck.  Those of you who know me are sick of hearing my neurotic rants about insects, creepy crawlies and anything that generally slinks around your house waiting to ambush.



After looking back over my blog (over 3 years! What?!?), I noticed that I posted a bug-related post every year around this time.  In February of 2009, I wrote this post about my irrational fear of stinkbugs.  In March of 2010, this post mentioned stinkbugs as well. Last March, I shared about the unholy range of bugs plaguing my new home.


And now it's March 2012.


Bug Post Time.


I'm not sure when I really started to be bothered by bugs.  I mean, no one loves bugs. No one is like, "Oh look!  20 stinkbugs crawling on my wall!  Let's throw a party!"  But I was never one to freak out simply at the sight of an insect. I like nature, so how did this happen?


Sometime in the last few years, I've been overcome with an anxiety over insect critters. I find myself worrying about them.  Talking about them. Possibly a lot.   I may or may not become emotional when I am made to come in contact with one. Just looking at the picture at the top of this post makes my heart race slightly.


Don't judge me.


I think the problem really took off when stinkbug populations began exploding. I don't know what it is about those bugs.  But they get to me. Like.  REALLY get to me. I know, I KNOW, they do not bite. I know they are not harbingers of disease.  I know they are generally harmless. Except that they infest homes and gardens at a disgusting rate.  I find it disturbing that the latch onto screens, hover around doorways by the tens or hundreds, taunting you as you try to get by:


"There is nothing you can do to get rid of us! MWAHAHAHAHA."


They are right.  You see, sure, I don't like other bugs. But I can take care of other bugs. I can squish them. I can wage chemical warfare on them. And in the end, I always win.  The problem, in some way or another, gets taken care of.  Other bugs have weaknesses against sprays.  Others can be killed. Decimated.  


But not stinkbugs.  Oh, no. They are impervious super bugs that I am quite certain are the first coming of the apocalypse and will soon take over the world.


Bastards.


I do what I can to keep them out of my house.  I've created what one might call a routine of sorts to guard my home from possible invasion:


On a normal Spring day
I do exterior and interior perimeter checks.  Every hour, I take a stroll around the house, looking on the walls of the house to see if there are any stinkers lounging.  If they are on the screens, I will go into the house to whatever room the window is in, and flick the bugs off the screens. If the bugs are just crawling on the outside around windows or on the siding, I take a powerful Windex and spray them from a safe distance. My mom got me this industrial spray bottle of Windex, and you'd be surprised how far it shoots. Believe it or not, I can reach as high as the second story of the house on a non-windy day.


I then take to the interior, scoping out every room, trying not to miss any that might have found their way in.  If I find one, I usually stand there for about 2 minutes summoning the courage to pick it up with a piece of tissue (I never, EVER, blink first. They can sense weakness, so show no mercy).  After trapping the bug in the paper with as little shrieking or jumping as possible, I run as fast as I can to a bathroom and immediately dispose of and flush the carcass. Once the bug is eliminated, I rest until the next round is scheduled.


Confession:  There are nights in the Spring and Fall where I lay awake, unable to sleep, due to the thought that a stinkbug could be hiding in my room and could crawl into my mouth (or other orifice) when I am soundly asleep.


Ok, so I may not be crazy. 


But perhaps I maybe have a small issue with bugs. 


Potentially worth going to a therapist for.  


But just maybe, it will be my hypervigilance that will one day save all of humanity from being taken over by a kingdom of bugs.


On that day, you can thank me.


And I'll do my best not to say I told you so.

Any other bug haters out there? What insane things do you do to rid yourself of insects?