To Whom It May Concern

Dear Waste Management Services of Kennett Square Borough:

I want to apologize in advance for what you will mostly likely encounter when you come to pick up our trash next Tuesday.

It's been 90 or so degrees here the past few days. And yesterday was a crazy day with my oldest going to her preschool orientation and it was a grocery shopping day. In all of my brilliance, I decided to grocery shop right before I had to pick up Little Chica. It was great to only shop with one kid! My goodness! I got my food in record time!

So, I arrived at her school a little early. And since it was a billion degrees outside, I took Bitty Bug inside to wait for Little Chica to be dismissed. Only 10 minutes went by, I swear.

When we got back to the car, there was a noticeable odor in the vehicle. I chalked it up to a hidden sippy cup full of milk (which I have been known to do). Milk does not do well hidden in cars on hot days.

We got home, where I proceeded to unload the kids and put the groceries away. I wanted to be sure that none of the groceries had spoiled, so I singlehandedly gave every item the sniff test before it was put away in its proper place. Considering I have a very acute olfactory sense, this was a complete act of bravery on my part. Nothing smelled bad, thankfully, and we went on with our day.

Around 4:00pm on the day in question, I opened the refrigerator to take out chicken for dinner. Once again I noticed a very unfresh scent. I peaked around, trying to find the culprit. When I finally checked the chicken, it smelled...fishy.

I figured fishy chicken cannot be good.

So, to avoid giving my family salmonella or botulism, I threw it outside into our garbage can.

The garbage can that had been sitting out in 90 degree heat for 2 days.

The garbage can that will continue to sit in 90 degree heat until this excessive heat breaks.

The garbage can that is already home to a few garden slugs and possibly an old diaper that is stuck to the bottom and refuses to be launched into the trash truck week after week but since it's so gross I refuse to stick my arm in there to unstick it, so it will stay there indefinitely until it becomes compost or a diamond or something.

I admit I could have come up with a better plan.

So, next week, when you kindly come to do your weekly trash pick up, and you find that our garbage can smells like the rotting carcass of death, please do not call the authorities. I promise it is only the festering remains of a package of spoiled chicken thoughtlessly tossed away on a very hot day. And a very old diaper. And a few roasted garden slugs.

Please forgive my indiscretion.

Yours Truly,