I have a confession to make.
But I need to get it out in the open, perhaps just in a therapeutic kind of way. Maybe by doing so, I will find camaraderie.
I have an irrational fear of stinkbugs.
It's true. I don't think I knew of the existence of stinkbugs, minus folklore, until about 2 years ago. We never had them in my house growing up, and there seems to have been a recent influx of their presence in Southeastern PA. 2 years ago, my in-laws had a pretty bad bout with them invading their house. I believe "invading" is too soft of a term.
They annexed the house.
When we spent time at their house, it was a common occurrence to be bothered by 10 or so of them throughout the evening. You'd be talking to someone, and out of the corner of your eye, you'd see a little black spot slowly moving along the wall. They'd fly around, not caring who they bothered. They are selfish, selfish beings.
My worst moments with them always happened while using the bathroom. As I was...indisposed (ahem)... and in a vulnerable state, one would sneak up on me and there was NOTHING I COULD DO ABOUT IT. Paralyzed with fear, I maneuvered finishing business while keeping a close eye on the attacker. As you can imagine, this was extremely difficult, and required a lot of coordination.
True Story: One night, my mother-in-law heard my father-in-law yell from upstairs. She hurried up to find their room SWARMED with the nasty critters. Hundreds on the walls.
My skin is crawling just recounting the story.
If you are not from around here, you might be wondering what stinkbugs are. Go here for more info. I believe they are God's new plague on the earth. Forget locusts, baby. Stinkbugs are the new locust. They are ominous little creatures. You might think your home is safe from them. Then one day you hear it. You hear a little "clink." You wonder, "Is my sink dripping? Did I drop something?" You hear another little "clink." You scan the room you are in, only to find a little black bug is hitting your wall. "Is that all?" you wonder. Oh, poor unsuspecting homeowner. This is how it starts. There is never just one. They never come alone. Soon you find there are 2 in the room. The next day there are 3 in a different room. Shortly after, you find several of them crawling on the outside of your window screens, keeping close tabs on you. There they patrol, surveying the interior, scouting any entrance into the home and hatching plots for imminent take over.
Not long after, you are taken hostage in your own home by a bug the size of a dime.
In your ignorance, you might think squashing this bug will do the trick. You are sorely mistaken. As a rookie, you squash the sucker only to have a putrid smell fill your nostrils. (Hence the name STINKbug, HELLO). Over time, you take greater care to scoop the bug up in a napkin and throw it outside, or flush him down the toilet. But no strategy really does the trick except for time. You must wait them out, until the weather beckons them to a greater environment. (I will say, though, my father-in-law has found a treatment for your lawn that has worked wonders for them).
As a stay-at-homer, one is faced with these bugs unrelentingly. You cannot escape them. You are with them, sometimes, for 24 hours in a row. Swatting. Scooping. Flushing. Taking care not to squash. You must protect your offspring from them. Even as you try to sleep, you hear their battery of clinks against the wall, knowing they are intentionally attempting to find their way in the darkness to your face (or, God-forbid, your nostrils).
Perhaps this seems a bit over-the-top to you. I understand completely. I did say it was an irrational fear. And I admit I can be a bit paranoid when it comes to them (ask my mother-in-law, who patiently put up with me every time I jumped at the sight of one in her house, being sure to announce it's presence, and assuring its quick and permanent removal). I am even a bit embarrassed that I react so dramatically to them, and defeated that I have let these insects take such a hold of my life.
But, that is the nature of a confession. Even just typing it out loud gives me the confidence to face today, and giving me hope for a better (stinkbugless) tomorrow.
Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.
What are your confessions?
You crack me up. I am soooo sorry if I contributed to your phobia over the stinkbugs. I do want to set the record straight that my house is not crawling with bugs. We have had many many many stinkbugs in the past, but we are now 99% pest free since Pa found the ortho stuff to spray the outside of the house and repaired the hole in the one screen upstairs that they were using as a 4 lane highway into the house. And the incident where there were 100's on the walls upstairs - Pa may have embellished that one - there were more like 30 but they were all over the room at once and they were totally gross. At least you didn't mention the bat. Now that's something to freak out about!
ReplyDeleteHere's my confession concerning bugs. I once went to change Michael's diaper, (he was about 6 months old and was crying). When I pulled off the diaper, there was a big cock roach in there. No wonder the poor baby was crying. Another time I went to get him out his crib and there was a big roach crawling in the crib. At that time Texas was swarming with cock roaches. Now it's sugar ants. Imagine how freaked out I was each of those times. It's a wonder I didnt drop Michael when I saw that roach in his diaper.
ReplyDeleteTeeHee! I wondered why they were called "stink"bugs. I've never crushed ours. They're like moths to me. Mine get inbetween my curtain panel layers--like inside my curtains. It's strange when the light shines through them.
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